


Wrong

by AWRA



Category: Wolf's Rain
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Guilt, Introspection, is anyone else still reading wolf's rain fic or is it just me, sometimes you look at one character and wonder, what makes them suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 22:38:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15129269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWRA/pseuds/AWRA
Summary: Toboe is weak. The weakest of the pack. And yet, why is it that he constantly, always ends up hurting others when he didn't mean to?





	Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> hello haven't posted anything here in months but wolf's rain needs more attention and i am delivering with the additional angst this show just needed because it's not already painful enough

They had stopped at a village for the night. Now that Cheza was traveling with them, they didn't move at the pace they used to back when their travel had started. Kiba, once the one to always spur them on, had become the most adamant in resting and stopping frequently.

Cities and villages weren't always the best place to stop at. There was always the risk of someone noticing them. But this village was big, and no one took notice of the few new kids who had stopped in the abandoned building near the outskirts.

Villages also meant plenty of food. Toboe had been sent to look for something to eat, because if Hige went again then he'd eat half of it by himself, and Kiba wanted to stay with Cheza. Tsume had also volunteered to look for something, but had told him clearly that he didn't want Toboe's company. Whatever, Tsume just had these antisocial moments from time to time, and Toboe thought he was capable enough to scavenge around town without needing a babysitter.

He had found what seemed to be a tavern, and he was rummaging through the trash looking for something edible. He knew the others would try to steal food from vendors or distracted shop keepers, but Toboe didn't have that kind of confidence. And he felt sort of guilty when he took away things the rightful owner might need. Too much time spent with humans, was the others' comment when he had said it, which was what they always said whenever Toboe did something wrong.

There wasn't a lot to eat in here. These humans were good at not wasting anything. Bones had barely any meat attached, there were nothing too rotten for them but still good enough for a wolf, there were just mold covered vegetables but they wouldn't be appetizing even in prime conditions.

He heard steps approaching fast, and he quickly jumped away from the trashcan, ready to run. But instead of an angry tavern owner, he found himself in front of a little human child, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Doggie!" he – it was a he, right? Small humans were hard to tell apart – squealed.

Had he been another wolf, he would have probably left. But Toboe didn't mind the attention. He was honestly fascinated by children. They were so small and chubby, running around in that weird way like they didn't really know how to move right yet. The youngs of every species were that way, but human children even more so.

He crouched down, wagging his tail. The child giggled. It was obvious he liked Toboe, and Toboe was delighted.

The little creature came closer. Toboe was bad at gauging human ages, but this one was young enough that he wouldn't reach Toboe's shoulder if he stood up. He wondered where his mother was, it wasn't wise to leave alone youngs that didn't even know how to recognize a possible threat yet.

Because Toboe wouldn't dream of harming this child, and he thought he looked pretty friendly, but he also knew it was dangerous for a human child to approach what was supposedly a big stay dog. Toboe had met some of those, they could be really horrible, especially if they were hungry.

The child put his hands on Toboe's muzzle. He patted the fur on Toboe's head, making little noises.

"Soft doggie!"

Toboe snorted. He nosed playfully at the child.

It seemed like he had put too much strength in that. The little one tumbled backwards, landing on his backside. He stared at Toboe for a few seconds, as if not understanding what had happened, before he started crying.

No, no, no, no. Toboe hadn't meant that. He hadn't wanted to hurt the child.

And was human crying ugly. He had had multiple experience of a crying child in his general proximity nearly deafening him with those screams.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Toboe said. The child was too small to notice anything weird in a dog speaking, right?

He moved a little closer, licking the child's tears. He wasn't really sure how to cheer the little thing up.

A screech at the beginning of the street made him jump back. That was the mother, wasn't she? She didn't look happy. Toboe couldn't blame her, she had just seen a predator next to her obviously distressed offspring.

He ran away. The situation would become bad if he stayed. A few roads away he pulled up his human form, hoping no one would recognize him like this.

He had screwed up again. He was so tired of always making a mess of everything. He hadn't wanted to hurt the child, and yet he had done it, just like he always did whenever he tried to make friends with a human. He always accidentally hurt people, like Leara, like Granny-

No. Don't think about Granny. Thinking about Granny was the sure way to get hit by a wave of sadness and regret and so much guilt. She had always treated him so well, and then Toboe had done that. He had known Granny was old and frail and yet he had just- he had-

It was so frustrating. For a wolf, Toboe was weak. He was slow, and tired easily, he was clumsy and scared and not completely grown, and Hige said that he'd probably stay a bit small for the rest of his life. He could barely hunt by himself, he couldn't fight, he got bullied by crows and cats, and even killing disturbed him sometimes. He was a predator, he ate other animals to live, and yet he hesitated to kill.

And then, if he tried to interact with something that wasn't a wolf, this happened. At least this time there had been no real damage, Toboe would have never forgiven himself if he had actually hurt that child.

But he remembered Leara's hawk, how he had just meant to grab it, hadn't even noticed the frail bird bones giving way under his jaws. His bite was weak, and yet enough to kill the poor thing.

And Granny. Poor Granny. She had been so small and frail. Enough for the weight of a half grown pup to squeeze her, stop her breath-

Toboe sat down, half hidden in a corner of a dead end street. He curled down, on himself, small whines escaping him. He wanted to howl in pain, but he would be in trouble if someone heard him. They couldn't let anyone know they were wolves, if the humans noticed his howls they would surely figure it out. So he swallowed down the noise, and forced his human form to not flicker out.

His chest was so heavy. Heavy and constricting, too tight for the ugly feelings trying to claw their way out of it. He made a mess of everything, every time, he should listen to the others when they told him to stop chasing humans, they never got anything good out of it.

He just didn't understand. Why was it that he didn't do anything right? Too weak as a wolf, too strong for humans.

"There you are."

Toboe jumped at the voice. He looked up, panicked, to find Tsume looking down at him with annoyance. He was holding a bag that smelled like sausages.

Toboe's job had been to find food. And he hadn't. Just great, just amazing, he had done another thing wrong.

"Why were humans talking about a big stray who had been trying to eat a child?" Tsume asked. He didn't ask Toboe if he knew what had happened, he just asked for an explanation, because it was clear he already knew Toboe was involved somehow.

Toboe looked down. "The child came near me and I accidentally made him fall and he started crying and people came after me."

Tsume sighed. "And you were making a scene because of that?"

"I wasn't making a scene!"

"You were whining like someone had shot you."

"Wasn't!"

"Whatever you say. Now let's go, we've got to regroup with the others."

Tsume's human hand grabbed Toboe's arm, dragging him out of the street.

"I can walk by myself."

Tsume shrugged, and let him go.

Tsume was so much stronger than Toboe. He could go against any human and some robots, he had more than twice Toboe's endurance, and could push him to the ground in seconds if he wanted to.

Yet Tsume never hurt him. He had, a couple times, when they had just met and he was even grumpier than he was now. But if he snapped his teeth at Toboe because he had been annoying him, he always stopped before catching skin. He never drew blood if he nipped at him, rarely actually threw him off balance if he pushed him.

And Toboe had never seen Tsume touch a human except to kill them, but he was so delicate with Cheza. Despite all his grumbling and growling about her, Tsume made sure to never hurt her. And she was even more delicate than humans, or at least she surely looked so.

Kiba and Hige were the same, too. Stronger than Toboe, but always so controlled with their strength.

And then there was Toboe. Who didn't want to hurt anyone and by reason shouldn't even able to, and yet he always did. When he and Hige play fought, he almost always ended up actually hurting him with teeth or claws, even if he hadn't meant to. He let Cheza pet him, but he almost never initiated contact, always feeling like he might break her if he wasn't careful.

And he obviously didn't know how to be careful.

"You with me, runt?"

Toboe looked up at Tsume. "Yes, why?"

"You're quiet. Usually you never stop that chatter of yours."

"I was just, just thinking."

"Hn."

And that was the end of the conversation. Tsume didn't pry further, and Toboe didn't speak until they were back with the others.

Hige started asking why only Tsume had food, and then he moved on to teasing Toboe about always trying to make friends with the humans, and Kiba just said they'd leave soon, in case they had been seen. Cheza didn't say anything about it, but she smiled at Toboe.

"If you really had to go and play with a human brat, couldn't you at least have disguised yourself?" Hige asked.

"Bad idea," Tsume said, "Humans hate it when strangers go near their offsprings."

"Yeah, yeah, right, they can't even trust their own species. But seriously, did you have to push him?"

"I didn't push him!" Toboe protested. "I just... nudged him a little."

Hige laughed. "You have a strange idea of a nudge."

"Let him be." Kiba's head was resting on Cheza's lap, and she was caressing his head gently. Toboe was kind of jealous. Cheza was so great, and being pet felt great. He didn't understand how could Tsume say he didn't like it, having a hand scratching you behind your ears was just amazing, Granny always-

Better not think of Granny. All the bad feelings hadn't left yet, and Toboe didn't want to make a scene, as Tsume put it. The others already said he was too sensitive.

"He's still a pup," Kiba continued. "He doesn't know his own strength yet."

No, Toboe didn't. He didn't like this strength that always showed up at the worst of times, and left him completely when he needed it. He didn't like always being the pup, always having someone else to look out for him. He was so, so tired of always being the one to do something wrong.

He didn't say this. He didn't want to whine. Tsume and Hige always told him he whined too much, that he had to toughen up.

If his silence got him a few confused glances during the evening, he didn't notice. He kept his frustration and guilt to himself. He didn't think the others would understand, they'd probably think he was overreacting, and Toboe didn't want to do something wrong again.


End file.
